Healing Thoughts to All

“Healing thoughts to all,” is the way my friend Linda Zame signed off her emails and posts to the Long Term Survivors Listserv on ACOR. I am in stunned silence as I write this evening that my friend Linda died on Thursday night. She was in the hospital to start on TPN after dropping to 115 pounds following treatment for colon cancer. Like me, Linda was a long-term survivor of more than one type of cancer. Treatment left her with cardiac problems and her latest diagnosis with colon cancer began shortly before my own recurrence with breast cancer. Linda came to Stanford to be seen by Steve Hancock. She needed to see the best so I called a colleague, George Fisher, to see if he would see Linda while she was in the Bay Area. Unknown to me, he returned my call from the airport. He was on the way out of town but reviewed Linda’s situation and sent off an email to Dr. Hancock with his recommendations. Linda, her husband Bill and I met for dinner at PF Chang’s and then kept in touch while she was starting treatment at Stanford.
Linda started the long-term survivors’ listserv and was the driving force in making it the excellent resource it is. She often responded to people offline and provided information on the best resources for cancer survivors – physicians, clinics, studies of long term and late effects. In addition to her survivorship work, Linda loved opera. She had season tickets to the LA Opera and we often talked about the productions she saw. I told her about Gabby studying opera performance at USC and invited her to come and hear Gabby perform. She and Bill attended Gabby’s senior recital and told me they were blown away by her voice. This became something else we could share – something beyond the world of cancer.

I was amazed at all that Linda accomplished in her lifetime. She was well traveled, despite the difficulties of traveling when your baggage includes long term and late effects of cancer treatment. Linda was planning an extended trip to Italy when she died and invited me to spend some time with her and Bill should I be able to travel to Italy, as well. I am worried about making it to Baltimore. I had not even considered a trip to Europe. She talked hopefully about reversing her colostomy and about how helpful her sister has been by coming to stay with her and help care for her. We shared how lucky we were to have family members willing to put their own life on hold in order to help us fight the beast that cancer presents in our lives. She was amazed at losing so much weight and I am amazed that I keep gaining weight whether I eat or not.

Linda went into the hospital to start on intravenous nutrition in an effort to regain her strength and gain some weight back. She explained that it was simpler to start this in the hospital because of all the weight she already lost. I don’t think anyone anticipated this simple procedure would end in her death. Bill sent me an email explaining that she got up to go to the bathroom and felt dizzy. How many times has this happened to me? I can count the concussions from times I stood up, dropped my blood pressure and passed out. From my own experience I can take comfort in knowing that it happens so fast, you don’t have time to realize what is going on. One minute you are awake and talking, saying you don’t feel right, and then you wake up when it is all over. Or you don’t wake up at all. I thank God that Linda did not suffer. I thank God that she had the support of a loving husband and a loving family and that she was well aware of their love and support. I thank God for her friendship, for bringing us together to learn from each other and share our life’s experiences. I am so glad she was able to meet Gabby and to hear her sing. The world is a better place because Linda lived in it. I will miss her. I will never forget her. Healing thoughts to all who knew and loved Linda.