Met Life .... This is Your CUSTOMER calling

Met Life . . . This is your life.

Met Life has been a company I admired. I purchased their long and short-term disability insurance packages. I enjoyed their sponsorship of the Snoopy TV shows when my children were young. They seemed to have it all together. Then I became a dissatisfied customer, on more than one occasion. I am again a dissatisfied customer, having done everything requested of me to continue my disability claim and still without more than two months of payments on my claim. It reminds me of the days when AIDS was a disease we feared and misunderstood. Insurance companies would delay payment of claims in the hope that the patient would die before collecting what was due them. I am a VERY LONG TERM cancer survivor – nearly 29 years. This became a serious problem in August of 2008 and I have not worked since that time. On December 31, with little warning, my claim was closed. I called and asked what needed to be done to reinstate the claim. I was told to send the last two physician notes from my chart, which was faxed to Met Life on February 2. Met Life then did………nothing. They did not read the information that was sent and they did not reinstate my payments. I am down to $70, having borrowed against credit cards and home equity line of credit. I have called Met Life daily, enduring the frustrastion of punching in my numbers only to reach a voicemail message informing me that the case managers are gone for the day and will call me first thing in the morning. They don’t call back and I start the cycle of phone calls again. At my wit’s end, I left a message that I would have to apply for food stamps and cite Met Life’s lack of compliance with the terms of their own policy as the reason for my need for food stamps. That at least has generated enough interest for Met Life to admit that I did what I was supposed to do to get paid by them. They further admit that they failed to read what I was asked to send them and to do it within 5 business days. My information is what they needed to reinstate my claim. They now state I should have the money in my bank account by Wednesday, February 25. Stay tuned to this blog to see if Met Life meets their contractual obligation.
How do we treat the sick among us? This is a broad societal question. Do we try to ease their pain and suffering? Do we make them work harder to obtain the medications and they need to survive? Do we consider them a burden? A source of wisdom? An inspiration? Are we conflicted in how we feel about them? What do you think? Have you had an experience with medicine, insurance or the government with respect to a health problem that you would like to share? Maybe we can help each other.

SENDING OUT THE WORD . . .

I am beginning to get into a rhythm of blogging (hope that didn’t just jinx it). I find now that I miss the outlet of writing when I cannot do it. We have been inundated with rain here in northern California and the internet has not been reliable. I was not able to log on until this morning and then only after numerous attempts. I wanted to write last night but could only focus on the pouring rain and the reports of downed trees, broken sewer pipes, and cold. Of course, I should point out that it always sounds like it is pouring rain in my ears because of the oxygen tubing. It leads to some confusion for me and for Josh when I am always asking whether it is actually raining. At any rate, I felt badly about having the “off day” blog unanswered for more than a day.
Yesterday things were bad. I had been having sweats that would leave me with a temperature. of 95 degrees F. and feeling cool and clammy. The nausea seems to have taken up permanent residence and I pretty much felt best when I was asleep. We called the resident on call during the night and actually got a fellow who I have known for a couple of years. He suggested we come in first thing in the morning to get my counts checked, get some hydration and see if things could be improved. I want to be at Gabby’s performance Saturday so I am willing to do whatever it will take to allow that to happen. We were able to get a 9 AM appointment at the ITA and get home by 4 PM after a blood transfusion and some fluid, IV antiemetic and general buffing up. I was able to eat something when we got home and that helped as well.
I have been having some very strange dreams lately. It seems I am mixing up my relationships. Last night I dreamt that Josh and I were married but could not remember if we had any children together. I know there are Greek myths about this type of thing, but it is very unnerving when you are in the midst of believing this is reality. When I was finally completely awake, I figured out that Josh was my child. I have been calling him Doug far too often and saying Terri when I mean Gabby far too frequently. This was a vivid dream. We were buying a house that had been owned by my friends Claire and Jim and were asking their kids if it would be a good house to raise our kids in. Maybe I am just projecting because Lisa is pregnant and due in May. I do not know what is going on, except that I am calling people the wrong name and getting my relationship to them confused. It makes for some interesting, and confusing, conversations. At some point in the dream, I also thought the house had been owned by my Aunt Frieda in Nutley. In fact, it was their old house in Nutley before they moved to New York. I think I know the root for that association. I saw a TV game show with a young woman who looked like Rona (my cousin)’s daughter . Keep in mind I have not seen Rona’s kids since they were small, so how I was so sure it was her daughter is impossible to tell. Life can be very interesting when you are taking “medication” aka “drugs.” At least I am thinking about family and going into the memories for some happy times.
So today I am trying to get caught up on a number of projects. I am immersed in ONS (Oncology Nursing Society) documents and emails, trying to pull everything together for the conference the end of April. I am determined to get it all done by Friday, which is my deadline. I am also trying to put together a “contingency” plan in case I cannot fulfill the 2-year term of office as SIG coordinator. The first year ends in May. My emails are back up to 5,500+ from the two accounts. It seems I cannot let the box go unanswered for even a day. Josh is still asleep, having been up two days straight and then crashing after class last night. He said to me, “I’m going to have to crash.” I asked where he was going to sleep. He said, “Right here.” and instantly fell asleep. I think that was at least 12 hours ago.
I wish I had something profound or enlightening to blog about today. It’s just another wintry day. Amanda went to the gym this morning and today is her last free day before starting her new job tomorrow. I was writing an email to my oncologist this morning inviting him to hear Gabby sing, when I noticed the signature line on my emails still has my title from work. I am ever the optimist, clinging to my identity as a nurse, rather than a patient. There are times I forget because it has been so long since I worked as a nurse. I still think like a nurse. I think. I like to find ways to make people feel better. For some reason, it does not work when I try to fix my own problems. Staying distracted is a big help, so working on a project today will help me if I can get engrossed in it.
Gabby sent me a short bio for inclusion in the publicity for Saturday. It did not make it onto the St. Francis website so I wanted to include some of it here. If you are in the San Jose area this weekend, I hope you can come and hear her perform. She precedes the boys’ choral group. The concert starts at 8 PM and if you want dinner also, that is from 6-8 PM in the hall. Here is a small piece from my brag book:
Soprano Gabrielle DeMers is pursuing a Masters degree in Opera Performance from the University of Maryland as a student of Francois Loup. She holds a Bachelor of Music degree from the Thornton School of Music at the University of Southern California. Most recent operatic roles include Jeanine in Robert Chumbley’s Ordinary People, Valentina (cover) and Rose (cover) in John Musto’s Later the Same Evening, Betty in the west-coast premiere of Lowell Liebermann and J. D. McClatchy’s Miss Lonelyhearts, Nerone in Agrippina at USC, Page in Rigoletto with Festival Opera, Mrs. Ford in The Merry Wives of Windsor, Countess in The Marriage of Figaro, and Juno in Orpheus in the Underworld. Roles in opera scenes include Nedda in Pagliacci, Alice Ford in Falstaff, Abigail in The Crucible, Female Chorus in The Rape of Lucretia, Rose in Street Scene, Fiordiligi in Così fan tutte, Rosalinda in Die Fledermaus, Elisetta in Il Matrimonio Segreto, First Lady and Pamina in Die Zauberflöte, Valencienne in The Merry Widow, Frasquita in Carmen, Tatiana in Eugene Onegin. Solo cantata work includes Bach’s Coffee Cantata. Gabrielle has participated in master classes with opera singers Marilyn Horne, Elizabeth Futral, Suzanna Guzman, Christine Brewer, and Carol Vaness; composers Jake Heggie, Ricky Ian Gordon, and John Harbison; coaches Martin Katz, Rudolph Jansen, and Craig Smith. She has won numerous competitions and awards including the Opera Award from USC, 1st place in the Opera 100 competition, the Y.E.S. Foundation for the Arts’ Margaret Brady Study Grant, three Leni Fe Bland vocal scholarships, 1st place in the Russian Music Competition, 1st place in the Beach Blanket Babylon Scholarship for the Arts, and Young Musician’s Foundation Shiela Allen and Mary Levin Cutler vocal scholarships. She has appeared in several articles in the San Francisco Chronicle, and was profiled in San Jose Magazine, which focused on her singing career. She can also be heard as a soprano soloist on Universidad Navideña CD released in 2006 by EMI records. She will be singing the role of Tatyana in Eugune Onegin in April.
For further information, see www.stfrancisofassisi.com/hp/bullboard/htm.

Where's My Prince?

Happy Valentine’s Weekend!
Is my Prince here yet?

It’s been a weekend of ups and downs. I have been on a yo-yo of nausea and some good times of eating. Friday was a full day at the pulmonologist and then for a bone scan that had Josh and I completely exhausted by the end of the day. We were left with 3 possibilities for causing the shortness of breath and dependence on oxygen. We needed to understand the underlying reason for the supplemental oxygen and whether there was any way to get off of it. Two of the possible causes were due to radiation damage to my lungs and one is caused by the cancer in my lungs. Case #1 is pulmonary hypertension. That is the blood pressure in my lungs is too high and unoxygenated blood is getting into my circulation, Case #2 is caused by a bubble of air (oxygenated blood) circulating on the unoxygenated side of my lungs. This is due to damage to the heart valve. The last Case is caused by the adenocarcinoma to the lung. The recommendation is to start me on a type of drug called ‘statins’ which can show improvement in my breathing in 5 months. At the same time, my social worker is going to help me to get my social security benefits so I do not have to worry about working any more. I am waiting for my Prince to come and help me with the logistics so I can relax and die in peace. Does that make sense? You have to get the work of dying done first, so that it is out of the way.
When I read back over this it sounds a bit depressing. I do not mean for it to sound that way. It is the unfortunate truth that there are forms to fill out and a lot of stress to get through before one can relax and just take care of symptoms. This is where I would like to be. Taking care of symptoms. Josh and Amanda are still in bed and I am up about every hour.
On the TV the story of the woman with 14 babies keeps appearing. I can’t imagine raising 14 children even with so much help from family and the community. I would like my relationship with my partner to come first and then my love for my children would flow from that. I don’t see a partner in this story. It always comes back to relationship. What is my relationship like with someone else? Do I treat them as I would want to be treated? Do I care for them first and foremost?
The house awakes!! It is time to get up at last. I will try to eat today and hope to continue with that. I should get back to normal this week. There is that famous button that says, “Cancer Sucks!” I have to go beyond that and endorse a button that says, “Feeling Sick Sucks!” and we take our health for granted too much of the time.
Just a brief, slightly cranky note today. Please excuse the off day.