SENDING OUT THE WORD . . .

I am beginning to get into a rhythm of blogging (hope that didn’t just jinx it). I find now that I miss the outlet of writing when I cannot do it. We have been inundated with rain here in northern California and the internet has not been reliable. I was not able to log on until this morning and then only after numerous attempts. I wanted to write last night but could only focus on the pouring rain and the reports of downed trees, broken sewer pipes, and cold. Of course, I should point out that it always sounds like it is pouring rain in my ears because of the oxygen tubing. It leads to some confusion for me and for Josh when I am always asking whether it is actually raining. At any rate, I felt badly about having the “off day” blog unanswered for more than a day.
Yesterday things were bad. I had been having sweats that would leave me with a temperature. of 95 degrees F. and feeling cool and clammy. The nausea seems to have taken up permanent residence and I pretty much felt best when I was asleep. We called the resident on call during the night and actually got a fellow who I have known for a couple of years. He suggested we come in first thing in the morning to get my counts checked, get some hydration and see if things could be improved. I want to be at Gabby’s performance Saturday so I am willing to do whatever it will take to allow that to happen. We were able to get a 9 AM appointment at the ITA and get home by 4 PM after a blood transfusion and some fluid, IV antiemetic and general buffing up. I was able to eat something when we got home and that helped as well.
I have been having some very strange dreams lately. It seems I am mixing up my relationships. Last night I dreamt that Josh and I were married but could not remember if we had any children together. I know there are Greek myths about this type of thing, but it is very unnerving when you are in the midst of believing this is reality. When I was finally completely awake, I figured out that Josh was my child. I have been calling him Doug far too often and saying Terri when I mean Gabby far too frequently. This was a vivid dream. We were buying a house that had been owned by my friends Claire and Jim and were asking their kids if it would be a good house to raise our kids in. Maybe I am just projecting because Lisa is pregnant and due in May. I do not know what is going on, except that I am calling people the wrong name and getting my relationship to them confused. It makes for some interesting, and confusing, conversations. At some point in the dream, I also thought the house had been owned by my Aunt Frieda in Nutley. In fact, it was their old house in Nutley before they moved to New York. I think I know the root for that association. I saw a TV game show with a young woman who looked like Rona (my cousin)’s daughter . Keep in mind I have not seen Rona’s kids since they were small, so how I was so sure it was her daughter is impossible to tell. Life can be very interesting when you are taking “medication” aka “drugs.” At least I am thinking about family and going into the memories for some happy times.
So today I am trying to get caught up on a number of projects. I am immersed in ONS (Oncology Nursing Society) documents and emails, trying to pull everything together for the conference the end of April. I am determined to get it all done by Friday, which is my deadline. I am also trying to put together a “contingency” plan in case I cannot fulfill the 2-year term of office as SIG coordinator. The first year ends in May. My emails are back up to 5,500+ from the two accounts. It seems I cannot let the box go unanswered for even a day. Josh is still asleep, having been up two days straight and then crashing after class last night. He said to me, “I’m going to have to crash.” I asked where he was going to sleep. He said, “Right here.” and instantly fell asleep. I think that was at least 12 hours ago.
I wish I had something profound or enlightening to blog about today. It’s just another wintry day. Amanda went to the gym this morning and today is her last free day before starting her new job tomorrow. I was writing an email to my oncologist this morning inviting him to hear Gabby sing, when I noticed the signature line on my emails still has my title from work. I am ever the optimist, clinging to my identity as a nurse, rather than a patient. There are times I forget because it has been so long since I worked as a nurse. I still think like a nurse. I think. I like to find ways to make people feel better. For some reason, it does not work when I try to fix my own problems. Staying distracted is a big help, so working on a project today will help me if I can get engrossed in it.
Gabby sent me a short bio for inclusion in the publicity for Saturday. It did not make it onto the St. Francis website so I wanted to include some of it here. If you are in the San Jose area this weekend, I hope you can come and hear her perform. She precedes the boys’ choral group. The concert starts at 8 PM and if you want dinner also, that is from 6-8 PM in the hall. Here is a small piece from my brag book:
Soprano Gabrielle DeMers is pursuing a Masters degree in Opera Performance from the University of Maryland as a student of Francois Loup. She holds a Bachelor of Music degree from the Thornton School of Music at the University of Southern California. Most recent operatic roles include Jeanine in Robert Chumbley’s Ordinary People, Valentina (cover) and Rose (cover) in John Musto’s Later the Same Evening, Betty in the west-coast premiere of Lowell Liebermann and J. D. McClatchy’s Miss Lonelyhearts, Nerone in Agrippina at USC, Page in Rigoletto with Festival Opera, Mrs. Ford in The Merry Wives of Windsor, Countess in The Marriage of Figaro, and Juno in Orpheus in the Underworld. Roles in opera scenes include Nedda in Pagliacci, Alice Ford in Falstaff, Abigail in The Crucible, Female Chorus in The Rape of Lucretia, Rose in Street Scene, Fiordiligi in Così fan tutte, Rosalinda in Die Fledermaus, Elisetta in Il Matrimonio Segreto, First Lady and Pamina in Die Zauberflöte, Valencienne in The Merry Widow, Frasquita in Carmen, Tatiana in Eugene Onegin. Solo cantata work includes Bach’s Coffee Cantata. Gabrielle has participated in master classes with opera singers Marilyn Horne, Elizabeth Futral, Suzanna Guzman, Christine Brewer, and Carol Vaness; composers Jake Heggie, Ricky Ian Gordon, and John Harbison; coaches Martin Katz, Rudolph Jansen, and Craig Smith. She has won numerous competitions and awards including the Opera Award from USC, 1st place in the Opera 100 competition, the Y.E.S. Foundation for the Arts’ Margaret Brady Study Grant, three Leni Fe Bland vocal scholarships, 1st place in the Russian Music Competition, 1st place in the Beach Blanket Babylon Scholarship for the Arts, and Young Musician’s Foundation Shiela Allen and Mary Levin Cutler vocal scholarships. She has appeared in several articles in the San Francisco Chronicle, and was profiled in San Jose Magazine, which focused on her singing career. She can also be heard as a soprano soloist on Universidad Navideña CD released in 2006 by EMI records. She will be singing the role of Tatyana in Eugune Onegin in April.
For further information, see www.stfrancisofassisi.com/hp/bullboard/htm.