Why do I blog?

I posted my first blog entry and my daughter's evaluation is that "you're writing too much." She didn't read the entry. She looked at the amount of writing as I scrolled down the page to show her my first two followers of the blog. I don't know if there is a set length a blog entry is supposed to be, but I will try to be more succinct in the future.



I've started this blog for two primary reasons. I would like to keep my friends and family updated on my health and I also want to share my thoughts as I reflect on my life. There is a big "disconnect" between my head and my heart when I think about the prediction that I have "days to weeks" to live. Most of the time I do not feel as if I am dying. There are times, particularly when breathing is difficult or I am in pain, that I DO feel as if my life will end soon. Many people have encouraged me to write a book to share all of the experiences I've had. I'm not sure I have enough time to complete a book. I have agreed to try and my daughter has agreed to help me. [Helping involves more than asking me several times a day "How's the book coming along?" or "Have you written anything today?"]



My purpose is to inform and to educate. I aim to inform and educate myself as well as others. Last week I was reading a blog entry by Dana Jennings in the New York Times. Dana has prostate cancer and has been writing about his experiences since November 2008. I love his blog because he is both entertaining and honest. He talks about sex after surgery and about hormones that transform men into women as they devour any remaining cancer cells. These are subjects I have been lecturing about for many years, mostly at conferences for cancer survivors. At my last "Sexuality and Intimacy" workshop, there were 48 women and 2 men in attendance. The men stayed to talk to me while I put away my samples of sex toys, lotions and potions. They told me they had assumed the workshop would be for men and were very surprised to walk into a room full of women. I didn't mention that most of my workshops are attended by women. My "matter of fact" delivery of the necessary information was the best part of the workshop for them. That is the whole point of the workshop --- to give patients information they need in a format that is easy to understand.

So, for my daughter's sake, I will end my blog entry now. I will try to keep my entries short and to the point. This is a warning, that I can also be wordy and that I think things out while I write. Living with dying is not an easy task. I have read about it, taught nursing workshops on caring for dying patients and for patients in pain, and taught patient workshops on preparing for death. None of these has completely prepared me for actually living with the fact that I am dying years before I planned to. I hope we can help each other and learn together.